Dear Colleagues,

On the first day of work, I examined your look from head to toe. You put hair mask and combed your hair backward. You wore white long sleeve shirt and black trousers. Those were ironed nicely and perfectly fit on your body. Your shoes were black polished I could see my face on it. I thought you must be a former banker or someone who concern about fisical appearance.

Then I remember people say,”First impression is important but get ready for surprise.”

Almost everyday, we discuss and collaborate project, sit with our own laptop in silence then suddenly you sing with your untuned voice. But there is also time when we have tension, criticize each other. Sometimes, we talk about things outside work and you start to open up about yourself. You told me about what you believe in, your family.You said you are the first who works in government institution and want to change family’s fortune.

With your persistence, confidence, your mom’s prayer, you finally get a position you want. I don’t know how should I feel. I am happy for you but at the same time, I have to let you move to another office. I couldn’t imagine next year, there will be noone else who listen to my story and give stupid advice, noone who annoys me with repeated question “what are you doing?”, noone who talks too much, noone who makes effort to find me boyfriend. I don’t know how my day will be if someone who laugh and grouch with is not in the same office again.

It is hard, of course, to let you go. Since it is your first time living far from your parents, you ask me how is it like to live in capital city, how should you manage your lifestyle. This is what I can give to you: you will be tougher than you think, you will expand your mindset. You will grow to be wiser man.

There is bright future lays ahead in front of you. Fly!

Years ago, I used to write letters (or whatever it is called) to someone who means to me. This is the second from three letters I will write during Christmas holiday. Congratulation to Harriyadi and Mas Hafiz. People come and go, so thank you for your presence in my life.

*You need to crack a code to read the last letter

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Dear Someone in Finance Department,

I never intend to write this until you called me yesterday. Your name appeared on my screen as the phone ringing. I wonder, what was this for? It was quite impossible if you wanted to talk about work because afterall it was Saturday afternoon. When I heard your smiling voice answering my greeting, from across the phone you asked me to revise and send the documents.

Of course you talked about work. That was the only thing we had in conversation. But it was Saturday and you were supposed to enjoy holiday. “That’s just a dream. It is December and I am in finance department. So, yeah.”

In the last two months, we text too often, we see each other faces too often. You repeatedly asked,”How’s the progress?” I handed you a piece of wringkled paper. “I should be ready, then. Do you do all of this alone?” I had no answer. Everytime I entered your room with loads of documents, you will greet me with both smile and sigh. “Is this the last one?” “Hey, this is for your boss to sign.” “I’ll email you so you don’t have to go back and forth.”

In the middle of discussing things, sometimes we shared how stressful we were. But you didn’t seem stressed. You worked almost 12 hours/day for 5 days a week. And Saturday, just like yesterday. But, you can still throw silly jokes.

I adore your hard work. You always do the things that need to be done while encouraging me to not give up. You have your back ready when I do careless works. We all know our position is difficult for working overtime. But you do it anyway because that is your responsibility.

Without you realizing, you are like brothers to me. I could imagine we are having random conversation in the middle of deadlines or go to warung nearby to drink after long day. Otherwise, thank you for showing me the effort and sincere you put into work. Thank you for small kindness you give to light my day. Hope I can do the same.

May January will come soon.

Years ago, I used to write letters (or whatever it is called) to someone who means to me. And I try to write again. This is one of three letters I will write during Christmas holiday. Shout out to Mas Udin and Mas Arif, who are bothered by me. Please, don’t hate me.

 

Pertama Setelah Sekian Lama

Ketika menghadiri pernikahan, seorang teman terkejut dengan kemunculan saya dan langsung memborbardir dengan pertanyaan, “Kamu apa kabar? Masih di Jogja atau dimana? Trus kerja? Dimana? Kok nggak pernah kedengeran kabarnya sih?”.

Saya mencoba mengingat-ingat pertanyaannya dan memastikan semua terjawab. “Mmm, baik-baik aja. Hooh, di Jogja kerja. Emang aku nggak pernah kedengeran kabarnya ya?”

“Yaaa, kamu nggak pernah update di sosmed apaa kek. Di grup juga anteng-anteng aja. Nggak kayak aku yang woro-woro ke seluruh dunia perlu tau aku ngapain.”

Kami berdua tertawa. Dia masih sama, asik dan guyub ke semua orang.

Di tengah hiruk pikuk orang-orang makan, ngobrol, berfoto, update insta story, saya berpikir untuk kembali terlihat beraktivitas di sosial media. Haruskah?

Hello you, somewhere accross the screen.

I am not dead, yet. Walaupun hidup seperti kata Ed Sheeran “crumbling like pastries”. Kalau bahasa Jawanya nggregeli.

Anyway.

Beberapa minggu terakhir, saya mengikuti 2 tes yang mengharuskan untuk belajar dan membaca teks panjang dan fokus dan berpikir. Sepertinya baru saja selesai kuliah, tapi kok rasanya sudah sulit untuk memasukkan informasi ke dalam kepala.

Karena selama ini otak kamu dalam mode auto pilot, jah.

Seperti orang beranjak dewasa yang sering googling “how to …”, saya kemudian mengetikkan “how to keep your brain sharp” di menu pencarian. Alih-alih melakukan hal yang disarankan, saya ingin kembali menulis. Sempat mutung lama, akhirnya kembali rutin menghasilkan tulisan yang lumayan serius. Terimakasih kepada Pijar Psikologi yang sekian bulan lalu menyuntikkan rasa percaya diri, apalagi ini di luar bidang keilmuan saya.

Lalu sekarang mau menulis apa? Saya pun tidak tahu.

Mungkin isinya sudah tidak seperti dulu yang mencurahkan segala perasaan ke dalam tulisan. Tidak juga menceritakan sedang apa dimana dengan siapa karena membeberkan kehidupan pribadi di sosial media sangat menyeramkan. Di sini saya tidak berusaha untuk ‘menginspirasi’ –kata yang semakin sering digunakan karena da aku mah siapa atuh. Mungkin saya malah menulis percakapan dengan diri sendiri, dari pada hanya terjebak di dalam kepala –ugh, ini sangat menyiksa.

Atau mungkin ini tulisan terakhir karena bisa jadi sebentar lagi saya mati.

Future is scary, isn’t it?

* Dunia perlu tahu kalau aku masih mainan twitter. Haha. Berita, hoax, twitwar, meme, guyonan receh, semua ada. That’s why I love twitter.

** Jangan dimarahin kalau kadang-kadang tulisannya berbahasa Inggris. Jangan anggap aku keminggris juga karena hampir tidak mungkin terjadi jika kamu mendengar logat bicaraku. Sst, ini karena ada hidden agenda.

*** Whoaa, terkejut bisa menulis sepanjang ini dan berani mempublikasikannya.