2017 review

Kehidupan pasca kuliah sangat nanonano. Ada pilihan bekerja atau mengambil kuliah S2 atau menikah. Dengan segala pertimbangan serius dan konyol, saya memutuskan untuk bekerja terlebih dahulu. Sepanjang 2016, memasukkan lamaran pekerjaan sana sini, gagal berkali-kali. Dibarengi dengan mencari kesibukan mulai dari membantu kakak angkatan penelitian S2, jadi LO di Pusat Studi di Fisipol, menulis artikel psikologi, ikut workshop kepenulisan, mengajar anak-anak Bahasa Inggris. Saya suka melakukan semua itu walaupun sangat random tapi apapun yang ada di depan mata samber aja. Sulit untuk menjawab pertanyaan dari kerabat tentang sudah lulus belum kerja dimana. Alhamdulillah di akhir 2016, mendapatkan apa yang orang bilang ‘real job’ sesuai dengan bidang yang saya gemari.

Awal 2017 saya bersiap melesat di tempat kerja baru. Layaknya naik roller coaster, pada awal tahun kecepatan kereta masih pelan. Kadang ke kantor hanya setor muka dan numpang internetan. Berbulan-bulan dihantui pertanyaan: “apakah begini potret pegawai di pemerintah daerah?  Apa yang dimaksud ketika beliau berkata kinerja kita diukur dari serapan dana?” Saya mencoba memahami dan bertahan. Mulai bulan Maret, berbagai pekerjaan sudah dimulai dan perlahan menanjak. Setelah lebaran, seperti dilepas dari puncak tertinggi roller coaster. Kecepatan penuh, belok kanan kiri, muter 360 derajat. Tidak ada jeda. Ingin teriak dan meledak.

But that was great. Ternyata Yogyakarta sangat kaya –punya peninggalan struktur, bangunan dari zaman pra sejarah sampai kemerdekaan. Selain tentang softskill yang memang terus dipelajari sepanjang hidup, saya belajar tentang bagaimana menangani dan mengelola bangunan cagar budaya. Jika ada kesempatan entah dimanapun itu, ingin sekali tahu lebih banyak dan mendalaminya. But there is also time when I have my heart broken working here. Urusan administrasi birokrasi makes me crzay. Sistem yang kaku. Kebiasaan tidak pantas yang terus terjadi di depan mata. Ide-ide yang hanya berhenti di kepala dan pembicaraan sambil lalu. Is this how love-hate relationship feels like?

Walaupun begitu, walaupun peraturan kontrak 2018 berubah dan diberitahu pada hari terakhir kontrak 2017, toh saya tetap memperpanjang. Ada alasan serius dan konyol di balik keputusan ini. Butuh cara baru untuk menjalani hari di 2018 supaya bisa melihat bigger picture, supaya tidak hanya terjebak pada rutinitas, supaya les Bahasa Inggris yang seharga gaji sebulan membuahkan hasil, supaya berkembang mindsetnya.

Hm, bahas kerjaan saja sudah 350 kata, 4 paragraf. Tapi memang di tahun 2017, pikiran dan tenaga tercurahkan ke kerjaan. Kalau perasaan tercurahkan kemana, jah? Dalam setahun, jalan-jalan 2 kali. Ke hutan pinus Imogiri dan diajak ke Bintaro. Kedua perjalanan itu dilanjutkan dengan saya terkapar sakit. Ketika diinfus, merasa achievement unlocked. Lol. Ahya, bertemu lagi dengan teman-teman lama –ngobrol dan curhat dan ketawa dan galau dengan lepas. Berkenalan dengan banyak orang baru.

Cukup sekian. Bingung menutup tulisan ini pakai kalimat apa. But this picture from Sarah Andersen sums up my life.

sumber: di sini

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My Dear Old Friend,

Today is the last day of 2017 and I still couldn’t write a letter for you. It is not because I don’t have time or something but there are so many things I want to talk to you. Actually, I have written them in my journal but I don’t think it is proper enough to be published here since it could be read by anyone. You know what it means to me when someone reading my journal. Ha!

So,

Life is weird, right? Back to years ago we were good friend then become stranger and now you ask me to put small contribution to your project. Life could flip in a blink of the eyes. When you tried to recall what we had in the past, of course I remember. It still sticks in my mind where we bought batagor, the song we played, what we did and talked in now your campus, why things happened. But, I had to cut your sentences because I was embarrassed of how dumb I was. You said we need to see the history to face future. And we can’t ensure the future.

Let’s just live in present day. Maybe we are on different path right now. You with your own life I barely know and I am here doing things. Give space for any kind of surprise because nobody knows what lays in front of us.

Anyway, thank you for making time in Bandung. You still owe me batagor! I was having a great moment since we met in front of Buaran Theater, long silence because I was late, until you couldn’t stop telling me your girl crush and finally waving goodbye in Tebet Station. I wish we could spend time a little bit longer. Go to Pasar Santa, Sentul, or BSD, or just talk. But no, this is enough.

Oh hey, finally I write one though this is not all that I want to tell you. Nggak lolos editing. Wk.

Years ago, I used to write letters (or whatever it is called) to you someone who means to me. This is the last letter in this series and the hardest one to write. I choose to not put password as I mention before and publicly share this because why not.

Dear Colleagues,

On the first day of work, I examined your look from head to toe. You put hair mask and combed your hair backward. You wore white long sleeve shirt and black trousers. Those were ironed nicely and perfectly fit on your body. Your shoes were black polished I could see my face on it. I thought you must be a former banker or someone who concern about fisical appearance.

Then I remember people say,”First impression is important but get ready for surprise.”

Almost everyday, we discuss and collaborate project, sit with our own laptop in silence then suddenly you sing with your untuned voice. But there is also time when we have tension, criticize each other. Sometimes, we talk about things outside work and you start to open up about yourself. You told me about what you believe in, your family.You said you are the first who works in government institution and want to change family’s fortune.

With your persistence, confidence, your mom’s prayer, you finally get a position you want. I don’t know how should I feel. I am happy for you but at the same time, I have to let you move to another office. I couldn’t imagine next year, there will be noone else who listen to my story and give stupid advice, noone who annoys me with repeated question “what are you doing?”, noone who talks too much, noone who makes effort to find me boyfriend. I don’t know how my day will be if someone who laugh and grouch with is not in the same office again.

It is hard, of course, to let you go. Since it is your first time living far from your parents, you ask me how is it like to live in capital city, how should you manage your lifestyle. This is what I can give to you: you will be tougher than you think, you will expand your mindset. You will grow to be wiser man.

There is bright future lays ahead in front of you. Fly!

Years ago, I used to write letters (or whatever it is called) to someone who means to me. This is the second from three letters I will write during Christmas holiday. Congratulation to Harriyadi and Mas Hafiz. People come and go, so thank you for your presence in my life.

*You need to crack a code to read the last letter